Thinking about death

I've had the flu this week. With no appetite, no physical strength, and not a lot to do, I've found myself thinking about death quite a bit. Not in a morbid way - just in the sense that, well, I'm going to die someday, and so are you.
"What should I do with this information?" That's the question I mulled as I considered my eventual death, watching the shadows lengthen across my apartment and listening to Beethoven's 9th symphony.

To be clear, I have no desire to die presently, but someday (barring any nasty, sudden, deadly surprises) I'll know that death is near. What will that be like?! To feel it encroaching as I lose the function of my body and the clarity of my mind - the ability to properly care for myself. Sounds pretty surreal. I can't help but think it could be a positive experience, though. Does death always have to be bad? Maybe it's not bad at all, actually, considering how universally it impacts living things.
Anyway, for a while now, I've only half-jokingly been telling friends what I'd like inscribed on my headstone. "Well, he tried." And today I thought of a new one. "BRB."

Inspiration for the "he tried" epitaph derives from my awakening to the fact that the spiritual, physical, emotional, and social self-improvements I work so hard to make are imperceptibly incremental at best. Although I've observed maturation in these areas (thank goodness), it seems to come more from experience than as a direct result of effort, and as I read my journal from years ago, it's disappointing to see that I still struggle with the same weaknesses.

BRB simply refers to my belief in the resurrection, and it's kind of dumb, but I thought it was funny.

Thinking about death today was an important experience. I've been through a period of caring too much about the wrong things. You know, more money, more cool stuff, how to entertain myself, and so on. That stuff seems really important right now, but at the end of the day, when I feel death encroaching, I think I will only care about a few things.

1. How well did I get to know Jesus? Did I love him enough to do what he asked me to do? 
2. Did I treat every person I met with Jesus-like love and compassion? 
3. When I failed to do those things (as I often do), did I acknowledge my error and try again? 

Maybe these things sound dumb to you. But as I navigate my career and try to make my way in this ever changing, somewhat loud and unsettling world, I can sincerely say that focusing on them clears the air and provides a solid bedrock from which to tackle challenges. I think peace is the best word to describe it. I haven't found peace any other way.

So thank you, flu virus, for resetting the pace of my life and for giving me the mental space to think about death. As a result, my thoughts came back to life.